


Lanmou

by athousandordinarylemons



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Grief/Mourning, Kissing It Better, M/M, POC Male Shepard, Space Husbands, sorta gratuitous kreyole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athousandordinarylemons/pseuds/athousandordinarylemons
Summary: After Virmire but before Ilos, Shepard calls home. Lt. Alenko has a mind to fuss.





	Lanmou

**Author's Note:**

> This started when I had an ending involving smut in mind but derailed as I lost steam. Unbeta'd, and presented in as much of its entirety as it's going to get.

The last thing Kaidan expected to hear as he approached the Commander's quarters was a one-sided conversation. In fact, he hadn't expected to hear anything at all, after the week of almost constant work that Shepard had heaped on himself. Heading for the Mu relay had to wait a while longer, and the crew as a whole was still reeling from the loss of their Gunnery Chief. Shepard had thrown a party, strangely, calling it the Haitian equivalent of an Irish wake. Not so colorful as a traditional _dernier priye_ and certainly not in line with Williams' beliefs, but...

" _Oui, frè._ When this is done, I'll come back. I need to be planetside a while after this tour, I think..."

They were friends. They'd talked over coffee in the mess about religion, about art, indulging one-another in their fancies, talked about their families even more than either of them ever talked to him about them. It would have made him feel a little more left out, if not for the one thing the Lieutenant had with the Commander that nobody else did.

"I may. It all depends on him."

Shepard barely seemed to have an accent when he addressed anyone else on the ship. But now, from the other side of the holographic panel Kaidan's hand hovered just shy of, it almost didn't sound like the man he knew, save for the familiar, deep timbre of his voice. Kaidan remembered learning where the Commander had come from, learning his name and his first language (though the latter he only really started getting a grasp on after some research and dredging up his own rather shallow history in and around the French-speaking areas of Canada.) This sounds...warm, tinged with the rolling patois of much further south than Kaidan could say he'd ever been.

It occured to him, as he lingered outside with beers in hand, that he liked the slow-rolling ease in Shepard's voice when he wasn't John Shepard anymore. He liked listening to Guillermo. _Gam_. An interesting name for a fascinating man.

" _Mwen sonje ou..._ "

He sounded so sad. It spurred Kaidan forward, his omnitool chirping with the key to unlock the door, stepping in slowly only when Shepard had looked around at him. They were the only two on the Normandy that could unlock this door when it was barred. One of Shepard's hands was up to minimize the communication, but it stayed as Kaidan moved further into the room and let the door shut and lock behind him again.

"Kaidan," he murmured, and the Lieutenant's stomach fluttered at his name in that tone of voice.

"Hey, Shepard." A couple of thumps accompanied the bottles settling on the desk the Commander was leaning on, and the face still on screen turns to take in the pale, handsome face suddenly hovering just out of focus. The man on the screen was older than them, but beautiful for the sprays of white fanning up from his temples into thick, dense curls that seemed to defy gravity. He could almost be accused of giving Kaiden bedroom eyes, if not for it being the same way he regarded Shepard.

He didn't speak. Instead, his hands came up and briefly formed a question, at least judging by his expression.

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry _frè_ , I should have introduced you guys sooner. Kaidan, Carlos. Kaidan's not fluent in sign, but-

"Oh. You've got it covered. My mistake."

Kaidan wanted to greet the elder brother he'd heard stories about, but he was cut off as a text box popped up in the window below that sweetly curved chin.

**[MY GUI TELLS ME YOU COME FROM WAY THE FUCK UP NORTH. NOT SO FAR UP WHERE YOU IS THESE DAYS, BUT THAT AIN'T NORTH, THAT JUST WAY FUCKIN UP.]**

Kaidan blinked, taken aback by the message as a whole. "Gui?"

"Yeah, like the first syllable."

**[AIN'T DEAF, MY FINE PASTY BROTHER.]**

"R...right. Right, he was talking to you..."

Shepard laughed quietly, a hand slipping up Kaidan's back, the gesture making him jump a little. They didn't touch often outside of those situations when the Commander was seeing about an injury, or picking him off the ground like a child after being knocked out in combat until the medigel could be administered. On the ship, it was confined to a brush of hands, stolen glances, late night messages on a private channel. But the gesture was so casual it could be missed if one wasn't observant. Which, it seemed, the Commander's brother was. But he said nothing, in text or otherwise, just giving the pair of them the same look any older sibling worth his salt would, eyeballing Kaidan in a way that delivered the shovel talk as well as any verbal threat.

Shepard salvaged the situation though, before it could spiral into the sort of death threats his older brother was uniquely good at delivering:

"So, I was telling Carlos that if we had a furlough after the mission, we might go and visit. It's been way too long since I hit Earth." At the way the Lieutenant's expression tightened, Shepard just shook his head. "Not in Soleil. He and what was left of my father's entourage moved to South Carolina. Not quite as dangerous."

Kaidan's relief was obvious in his voice. "I see. Well...if it comes to it that we have time after this, we have to try. I mean I should visit mom at some point too, she'd like that."

Carlos' expression had barely changed, but his box popped up once more:

**[A GOOD PLAN, FRÈ. FOR NOW, I BE GOING, AND YOU BEST COME BACK FROM HELL ALIVE. SPIRITS DELIVER YOU STRAIGHT BACK TO ME OTHERWISE, AND I HAVE WORDS WIT YOU. PROTECT HIM, ALENKO.]**

Kaidan could only nod, very much taken aback at being addressed in such a manner. Shepard only sighed, bidding Carlos a final farewell. He kissed his finger, and his brother mirrrored the gesture, before the comm link went silent.

Kaidan relaxed minutely and picked up one of the beers to uncap and gulp from as his nerves washed over him, then finally let up.

"Sorry," Shepard murmured.

Kaidan was taken aback. "Sorry? For what? I invaded, I should have let you know I was coming, but-"

"But you were worried." Kaidan's face reddened at Shepard's guess. He'd gotten it right on the head. But a closer inspection of Shepard's face told him what the man wasn't; he was tired, and he was scared. For all of the man's faith and his ability to charge into anything, this was getting to him. And why shouldn't it? If they were right, about Saren, about Sovereign, they were up against world-ending stuff. _Galaxy_ -ending stuff.

"But I was worried. How are you holding up? I mean, after Virmire, and Ash... Well. I don't think anyone on the ship would blame you for taking it hard." He stopped himself when Shepard's nose wrinkled, thick eyebrows pulling inward.

"You know there was a rumour going around that she liked me?" He huffed, not quite amused but at least a little less dour. "She was my best friend on this ship, Kaidan. If she liked me like that, I think I'd have been damn honored. But it wasn't like that."

Kaidan didn't seem to know how to respond to that, so he continued, "She knew about this. About us. She said...if one of us messed this up, she'd sit us down, and set us straight. The big sister talk, you know?"

It hurt, the way Shepard's voice dropped, a little hoarse, a little choked. In spite of the joyful celebration of their Gunnery Chief's passing on into God's hands, the Commander hurt for her loss. Seeing the change spurred Kaidan forward, one hand lighting on the side of Shepard's neck, Kaidan coming up in front of him with a soft frown and wrinkled brow. It made the man pay attention, dark blue eyes slightly glossy but focused.

"We'll make her proud, Shepard. We'll see this through."

"We will," the Commander sighed, his head falling forward just enough to nudge their foreheads together. "We'll be big goddamn heroes in her name." He let out a watery chuckle at that, and pressed forward to steal a kiss that tasted faintly of asari pale ale. He was a little surprised when Kaiden responded just as forcefully, pushing forward with his free hand at Shepard's arm, strong fingers pressing into dark skin and hard muscle. He drew back only to claim a better angle, the hand still holding his beer tightening as his arm draped over the taller man's shoulders.

When they separated again Shepard swiped the other beer from his desk, uncapping and chugging down half of it before backing toward his standard Alliance-issue cot, tucked into the back of the office where he spent more of his time than the actual captain's quarters. The crew had their bunks, and their sleeper pods, but Shepard insisted he was fine with this. Anything more and he was just uncomfortable with the perceived luxury. It meant that they had to be careful settling onto it, a warning creak coming when Kaidan's knee sank into the piled blankets. When Shepard's hand curled into the throat of Kaidan's uniform and pushed back subtly, they each paused, looking one-another in the eye. They parted slowly and Kaidan sat on the end of the cot, gripping the neck of his bottle. He looked disheartened. 

"Hey, no," Shepard murmured, his fingers dragging through the ends of Kaidan's hair at the nape of his neck. "Don't look at me like that. I just...can't. Not right now."

"Sorry, Commander."

"Kaidan. Look at me. Hey. It's not something you did, ok?" Shepard sighed and butted his head against Kaidan's then sat back, looking down at his beer. He didn't think he'd be finishing it.

"I'll take your word for it."

The moment spun out in silence, each man considering how to move on from the awkwardness. It was Shepard who moved first, putting his beer down on the floor then sitting back again with his shoulder leaning against Kaidan's. For several seconds he didn't respond, but eventually he sighed out a long breath and laid his hand over Shepard's wrist.

"Do you want to go to your quarters? It's ah...a little more private. We can talk until you get tired of me."

When Shepard chuckled, he tried not to be hurt by it. The momentary pang was quelled when Shepard leaned across and caught his lips again, lingering until he'd finally begun to smile again.

"I thought you'd know by now, Lieutenant. I never get tired of you."


End file.
